The Sick note

Why Paddy's Not at Work Today
AKA "The Sick Note" & "Dear Boss" & "Paddy and the Bricks"

Dear Sir I write this note to tell you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea
But the foreman wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Now shiftiing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
I still clamped tightly to the rope, and pain from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks on fourteen floors below

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
I still clamped on tightly to the rope my body wright with pain, and halfway down I meet this bloody barrel once again, now the force of this collision halfway down the uppers block, it caused multiple operations and a nasty nasty nasty state of shock. I still clamped tightly to the rope and i felt towards the ground And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all around.

Now as I lay there grouning on the ground I thought I'd passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley-wheel, and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rain down on me, I didnt had a hope
When the first of them hit the top of me I let go the bloody rope

The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right across of me as I lay on the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and all I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.