The oldest swinger in town
(Edward Leslie Pickford - MCPS)

When you score with a chick in a disco bar,
Take her home in your motor car,
And you find you went to school with her Ma and her Pa,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
When you won't look in the mirror at the break of day,
Swear you dyed it when your hair turns grey,
When you zip up your trousers and your belly's in the way,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
Here you come and there you go,
A big white car and a stereo,
But the engine is jacked and the driver is too,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
When the barber takes a little less time each week,
The kids don't understand a word you speak,
When you walk into a disco and they offer you a seat,
You're the oldest swinger in town,
You prefer a pint of shandy to Bacardi and coke,
The sounds are too loud, there's too much smoke,
You'd like another dance but you're afraid you'd get a stroke,
You're the oldest swinger in town,
Here you come with you're chest all bare,
A little gold ingot, and a lot of gold hair,
Like the Disco King meets Yogi Bear,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
When you're feeling as stiff as a skinhead's boot,
You rub on Vic where you used to splash Brut,
And the latest punk fashion is your wedding suit,
You're the oldest swinger in town,
When you have to go shopping for your sex appeal,
Travolta shades and nine inch heels,
They say a man is just as old as the woman he feels,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
Here you come with your lips closed tight,
You never smile you know it wouldn't look right,
'Cause your dentures glow in the ultra-violet light,
You're the oldest swinger in town,
And you look so mean 'cause your pants is too tight,
You're the oldest swinger in town,
And it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night,
You're the oldest swinger in town.